Dauphin County Annual Joint School Board Meeting

April 11, 2001

Dauphin County Technical School

Harrisburg, PA 17109

Good evening ladies and gentleman. Thank you for this opportunity.

Chuck Swindoll once asked, "If you had only 3 days to live, how would you spend them?" I've thought about that for 15 years. For the past two weeks, I’ve thought about what I was going to do in the next 20 minutes, since I may never get an opportunity like this again.

First, I want to say, "THANK YOU". Thank you for your altruistic service to public education. You are truly the most influential contributors to what is unquestionably one of the most important professions in the world--education. What you do indeed does make a difference, but like the parent of a hormonally turbulent teenager, you'll probably not realize it fully until after you've retired J.

Second, I want to tell you what a privilege it's been serving the Dauphin County School system from the TECH perspective for the past 15 years. I've grown to both love and respect our "family" here. Assure your constituents that their taxpayer dollars are wisely spent.

Third, and finally, I would address the topic on which I've been asked to speak--the annual DCTS Affective Skills Parent Seminar.

Outside of God and my family J, there is nothing I'd rather be talking about right now, than what I feel called to do here at Dauphin County Tech. (But I do have some great video of my kids in the Easter Musical at our church over the weekend if anybody wants to stay after and see it) J

[Bluntly] my goal in these remaining precious moments is to convince you to purchase the curriculums in front of me and infuse them into the fabric of every one your schools. This information can be applied to every facet of an individual's life--both personally and professionally. It has literally changed my life, inviting me to become a better husband, father and teacher. However, I come to you not as a salesman, but as "one beggar showing other beggars where I've found bread".

I teach Affective Skills--the soft skills for the world of work. The essential hard skills of academics and vocational competencies are extremely important, but each year, 9 out of 10 people are fired from their job because of poor interpersonal or social skills. There are four:

1. RESPECT

2. RESPONSIBILITY

3. RELATING EFFECTIVELY

4. PROBLEM-SOLVING/GOAL-SETTING

I have yet to find a topic, news item or personal concern that does not directly relate to these 4 Affective Skills. Currently, it's BULLYING.

Read news article:

("California School couldn't stop 2^nd attack despite plans")

"… is there anything they can do to prevent campus violence"?

(the article concludes.)

Yes, and it's within these 4 Skills.

~Join me in a classroom experience for an overview of the curriculum and allow me to paint some word pictures on the canvas of your mind.~

The first Affective Skill employers desire is:

1. RESPECT (for self and others) - We can only respect others to the degree we respect ourselves; (Contrast traditional self-esteem)

¨ Bullies have low self-esteem/respect. They have not been respected sufficiently and are essentially giving back what they've gotten.

2. RESPONSIBILITY (FOR self and TO others) - Everything except death is a CHOICE. We don't "have to" do anything except die, and our choices have resultant CONSEQUENCES, both positive and negative; No one can MAKE us mad if we are in control of ourselves.

¨ A bully may INVITE us to be mad, but we then choose to accept or reject the invitation (kidnap one of my children…I'll accept, but "Bully" me by calling me a name …)

3. RELATING EFFECTIVELY - This goes beyond basic listening skills, it's being able to have productive discussions with others;

¨ If we want to invite the bullies to change we must use appropriate eye-contact, body posture and reflective listening;

And finally,

4. SOLVING PROBLEMS and SETTING GOALS:

¨ Problem Solving - being able to solve our problems and helping others solve theirs (85% of people (including bullies) do not need professional help. They need to learn these basic skills plus have at least one caring person in their life with these same skills.

¨ GOAL SETTING - developing a VISION and PURPOSE for our lives. It's been said that we can live "4-weeks without food, 4-days without water and 4-minutes without air, but only 4 seconds without hope." This curriculum includes activities to invite a person to focus and sharpen their "vision".

If I may, 3 additional suggestions regarding BULLIES:

1. While security and re-active procedures should always be considered and refined, a complete solution must include another component. It is as simple as comforting the sibling who's been injured by the other--a technique I found extremely effective in my own home. When one child offends another, initially ignoring the "offender" and comforting the "offended" allows the "offenders" to convict themselves rather than hate the authority figure for yelling at or punishing them. Dealing with the "offender" in private later is more effective.

Doing nothing ranks only slightly below the encouragement that comes from "laughing" at the bully's actions.

2. Concentrate on the BEHAVIOR, not the PERSON--concentrate on WHAT a child does, WHO he is. "Hate the sin, but LOVE the sinner". When we "attack" the person, it only feeds the behavior. Some teenagers deprived of love from home actually get a "high" from being yelled at and kicked out of class. They've described the walk to the principal's office as the highlight of their day. (How sad L)

3. And third, we must see the hypocrisy in BULLYING a BULLY. I regretfully admit that every time I have been disrespectful to my wife, my children and the students I both teach and love, I have BULLIED them to the degree I've disrespected them.

[Last Monday, a student fell asleep in my class. I walked up and kicked the bottom of his foot saying "Wake-up". After seeing his startled face I realized what I had done. I immediately apologized for "bullying" him. (He may have been on medication, or sick.) After class he apologized to me and said he'd forgot today was the start of Daylight Saving Time J.]

And finally, this curriculum has a Parent component to complete the TRIAD. Ten years ago, one of my students said, "Mr. Evans, I wish my mom could hear that" … another, "… will you call my father and tell him that he needs this class…." True… WE ALL DO (I take my own class). These repeated requests gave me the initiative to start The Affective Skills Seminar for Parents 10 years ago and bond with wonderful people like Mr. John Borland and his caring wife Judy. Let me introduce them to you.

DIM LIGHTS - WARM UP PROJECTION TV

Two weeks ago, Bob Durgin (local radio talk show host) was lamenting, … "Why isn't anyone teaching our kids HOW TO DEAL WITH BULLIES? … Why isn't someone teaching the parents?" Mrs. Borland called in to tell them of our program. Listen to the last 45 seconds of her call:

¨ Tape Recording (of Judy Borland's call to Bob Drugin)

Then, as a result of that program, a week ago, WHP-TV news visited our Monday evening Parent Seminar.

¨ Video (of the DCTS Parent Seminar and John Borland)

-- Larry Evans --

Affective Skills Web Site

Last Modified: March 21, 2003