Parent Exploratory Group...

Parent Exploratory Group Meeting
June 16, 2003

Dauphin County Technical School, Harrisburg

Introduction --
This meeting of the Parent Exploratory Group (PEG) convened as scheduled at the Dauphin County Technical School, but rather than meeting in the auditorium we grouped together at an outside location (in front of the school) and later at an alternate inside retreat from the wind (inside the back door of the auditorium stage) each nicknamed "Uncle Lar's Loft."

This was an exciting and energized meeting in that we had some old familiar faces who are long-time participants in PEG, but also a great many new faces of parent attendees from the 2003 Parent Seminar. We began the meeting sitting around Larry's cooler talking casually and sipping Debbie Evans' special iced tea. Thank you Larry and Debbie for your gracious hospitality.

Commencement Was Cool --
We began the discussions with Larry Evans and I reflecting just a bit on the recent (June 6, 2003) commencement exercises for the DCTS Class of 2003. I personally was intrigued with the different nature of this ceremony in which my stepson Troy Harclerode was a graduate (Yea Troy).

To my great surprise Larry noted that in his memory there has not been a commencement quite like this one. From the gorgeous setting in the Forum auditorium, to the opening National Anthem belted out beautifully by 2003 graduate, Yenitza Torres, to keynote speaker, Mr. Vladimir R. Beautfils, expounding wonderfully on the great advantages accruing to our seniors as Tech graduates, to the recognitions by Assistant Director, Mrs. Toni Arnold, of an astounding number of senior awards, to the very enthusiastic, but tasteful presentation of diplomas presided over by Principal, Mr. James Crane, this graduation was not to be matched by any I have witnessed.

For you parents whose sons or daughters will be graduating from DCTS in the future, I won't give it all away, but this was once again a real family affair among the continuing DCTS family of students, faculty and parents. DCTS has a real and sincere way of doing all the same things as other high schools, but somehow doing them just a little different and, in my admittedly biased opinion, just a little better.

Thanks again to all of you at DCTS – administration, faculty and everyone – for this commencement, for this very valuable school and for providing, what I feel has been for my family and I, four very terrific years.

Congratulations to the Class of 2003 and Best of Luck to the Best.

Getting Acquainted --
Since there was such a number of new attendees to PEG we began the meeting by introducing ourselves and telling how we had come to the Parent Seminar. We discovered that we had with us parents from several different years of the Parent Seminar and also parents who did not have students at DCTS.

The stories we heard from one another as a part of the intros were in many ways powerful. Many parents related how strongly their teens had requested them to attend the Parent Seminar. A number of parents also told of how well their sons and daughters spoke of Larry Evans and how their emerging lives had already been altered by their experiences with Larry and DCTS.

Many parents indicated that they would likely not have attended the Parent Seminar at all except for the urging of their teens. They also expressed their initial perplexity with statements from their teens that, “Everything is a choice” and., “I don’t have to do anything. I choose to, or choose not to.”

Through their association with DCTS some students have been provided with new understandings of themselves and new hope. This has occurred both through the imparting of affective skills and by the caring and encouragement of DCTS faculty members.

There were also several stories about how the Parent Seminar and affective skills had impacted parents. Several spoke of using their new skills with situations at home and in the workplace, with family members and with friends. A number of parents had stories to tell about how affective skills were changing how they approached and handled their teenagers and themselves. Some of the stories brought smiles while others were more serious.

Affective Skills at Work --
We exchanged some more specific examples and ideas for bringing affective skills into our workplaces. John Borland described actually teaching target audiences, as part of a statewide training effort, in the use of affective skills as part of their own educational activities. John also gave ideas for exampling these skills to co-workers during the course of the workday.

We spoke of existing strategies and training at our offices for handling group meetings and stakeholder interactions. One parent was very interested in ways to better bring affective skills to his job with the Commonwealth. It was noted that the “Personal and Social Responsibility” curriculum and the style of Larry Evans made affective skills and the Parent Seminar a very different experience from the staff development training that many of us have been exposed to through work.

In fact, many employers teach their staff techniques for handling others in conflict or dispute situations, but precious little is done to teach us to handle ourselves. And how can we truly handle others until we first know something about handling ourselves?

Why PEG? --
One parent expressed that it was so good to come to PEG and so find out that she wasn’t alone in her feelings and challenges with raising her teenager. In response, John Borland gave a short orientation to new attendees concerning the reasons for the Parent Exploratory Group and our other community projects.

John recounted his first experience with the Parent Seminar. He realized rather quickly that this curriculum and its approach was very different and, for him, of value. John also recognized, however, that a short six-week seminar could do little more than provide a touch base with affective skills development. To truly integrate these skills and overcome the negative thinking and poor habits he had acquired over five decades of life would take much more exposure and effort. It was from this understanding that PEG and Words of Caring were born.

These initiatives, as captured and made broadly available through the Affective Skills Web Site, are intended to provide for involved parents and friends a continuing platform for learning and application with affective skills beyond the scope of the Parent Seminar. Parents and friends are encouraged through these projects to come together and share their stories, insights, examples, questions, successes and even failures such that we all might learn and understand a little better and grow a little more in what Personal Power really means.

John noted that these projects were purposely designed to allow for several ways by which to express and share information. Those within our community can provide via e-mail or verbally at meetings, they can meet face-to-face or remain more anonymous through the internet, they can write stories for Words of Caring, send messages and announcements of interest for the Affective Skills Web Site or even submit stories from the public domain that others have written. And participants can become personally active or they can simply relax and read what we provide, but the more we can share between us the more we will have and gain together.

Larry related how PEG has met at DCTS, but also at various homes, at libraries and in other settings. He also spoke briefly about the visit of Connie Dembrowsky to our March 2002 PEG meeting (March 8, 2002 – An Evening with Connie Dembrowsky). Attendance at PEG has sometimes been higher and sometimes lower. The important thing, however, is that PEG continues to meet and to provide opportunity to interested parents and friends such as those assembled for this meeting.

A large difficulty today is that parents are increasingly busy and with little extra time. In this environment parents tend to become isolated from one another and so come to feel alone in their circumstances and problems with their families.

There are support groups available for just about every condition, challenge or malady one can think of, but who of us has a support group available as parents? Initiatives such as PEG give parents the opportunity to be together share experiences and perhaps find solutions. If nothing else parents will discover that other parents are like them and facing the same issues in their families.

Through sharing it helps so very much just to know that we are normal parents, that we have kids much like other kids and we are not the only ones in whatever we are in. Other parents are in the same boat we are or have gone through what is happening to us. Through PEG we can view a larger perspective than our own alone and can maybe learn some new ways to cope and deal with our situations.

We here are not necessarily experts, but we do have experience and we all know how to share and lend support. This is what it's all about.

Then There is School --
The discussion came then back around to DCTS, affective skills and helping more kids and schools. We acknowledged issues like bullying in our schools and the actions administrators are taking in the light of it. We agreed that many if not most schools are struggling to find an effective response to the increasing violence, mistreatment and disrespect demonstrated by students toward other students and even teachers. It was felt that affective skills development has a real place in the resolution of these issues.

Newcomers were oriented as to last year's efforts by the School Partners: Sharing the Bread initiative to bring affective skills education to the attention of the school districts supported by DCTS. Parents learned of our activities to produce educational information regarding affective skills, to develop meeting contacts with two of our six Dauphin County school districts via School Partners volunteers and subsequent attempts to transfer understanding concerning affective skills to school administrators through meetings with our School Partners core team.

We also described efforts by School Partners to create a larger focus for affective skills education within Pennsylvania as a whole. This involved contacts to state lawmakers and support for Character Education legislation then being considered for Commonwealth schools as well as contacts to the campaigns of both major gubernatorial candidates. School Partners received several positive responses, but not enough in the way of final results.


For more information on the past activities of School Partners: Sharing the Bread please consult the Affective Skills Web Site at:

April 30, 2002 – Would You Like to Bring Affective Skills to Your Home School?
http://www.affectiveskill.com/NewsAnnF/043002_School_Partners.htm

May 23, 2002 – (PEG) The Parent Exploratory Group Holds Its May Meeting
http://www.affectiveskill.com/PegF/052302_Summary.htm

June 15, 2002 – School Partners Pursue Next Steps
http://www.affectiveskill.com/NewsAnnF/061502_School_Partners_Next_Steps.htm

August 22, 2002 – School Partners Explore Progress
http://www.affectiveskill.com/NewsAnnF/082202_School_Partners_Progress.htm

September 12, 2002 – School Partners Respond
http://www.affectiveskill.com/NewsAnnF/091202_School_Partners_Respond.htm

September 16, 2002 – School Partners Get Results
http://www.affectiveskill.com/NewsAnnF/091602_School_Partners_Results.htm

October 1, 2002 – (PEG) The Parent Exploratory Group Holds Its Fall Meeting
http://www.affectiveskill.com/PegF/100102_Summary.htm


Though there are many hurdles to overcome in our schools the terms of gaining administrative and faculty interest, overcoming biases, securing a foothold within existing budgets, educational mandates and curriculum loads, etc., there is potentially a viable place for affective skills education and more that could be done with the efforts begun by School Partners.

Discussions continued around various focuses and directions for further introducing affective skills and even expanding their presence within DCTS. Many parents attending showed enthusiastic interest including several offers for involvement in efforts such as School Partners. Larry also noted strong support among DCTS administrators for affective skills education and pledges by them for continued interaction in this area.

Next Meeting --
There was considerable participant interest in a follow-up meeting of PEG such that the discussions begun here could be continued. The next meeting of PEG will likely occur in August. Monday, August 18 has been suggested as a tentative meeting date, however, one parent who would very much like to attend PEG meetings has indicated difficulties with coming on Monday nights. It is also advantageous to this editor if PEG meetings can be spaced so as not to coincide with the pending release of Words of Caring, which would occur at the end of August.

Suggestions are open and PEG could easily meet earlier if a reasonable interest is shown. It should also be noted that School Partners: Sharing the Bread very often has met as a separate strategy activity apart from the more general PEG meetings. Such a meeting of School Partners may also be possible.

Feel free to e-mail your suggestions regarding a next PEG meeting or concerning activities with or by School Partners to AffectiveSkill@aol.com. We will gladly read your comments and respond as is most appropriate for all of you in our community. This is the real purpose of PEG, to be your meeting, for you.

Conclusion --
No one seemed to want to leave and small-group discussions were still occurring until nearly 10:00pm. Finally though parents began little by little to break up and walk together to their cars, many still chatting.

-- John Borland --

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Last Modified: July 04, 2003