Parent Exploratory Group...

Parent Exploratory Group Meeting
October 4, 2001

Dauphin County Technical School, 6001 Locust Lane, Harrisburg

Introduction --
This meeting of the "Parent Exploratory Group" (PEG) was held for the first time back at the Dauphin County Technical School. We had planned to meet in Room 139 (the Board Room), but found the space overly filled with testing equipment. At Larry’s suggestion, we gathered those who were attending and moved outside into the mild, autumn air of the side yard behind the auditorium. Thank you Larry for providing us this place.

The group was a very small circle of parents and friends, very close and intimate in the oncoming darkness of evening. This PEG meeting became very different from the others and is much harder to write about. It was a meeting that posed far more questions than answers. To truly appreciate its flavor you really had to be there, but we will try as best we can to paint a picture for those who could not attend.

Loss --
This was a very open meeting without a set agenda, however, a theme for the gathering tended to surface rather quickly around the topic of loss. While we discussed the loss of life, of routine and security following the events of September 11, we also spoke together on other forms of loss.

We talked of death – with children, of parents and brothers and sisters and friends. We spoke of sudden deaths from fatal accidents and mistakes, of expected deaths from illnesses and age.

How We Cope --
We began to speak with personal experiences and examples as to how we deal with such losses and what does it all mean. We looked at many conflicts surrounding death.

We pondered between respectful honoring and grieving of our departed loved ones and the need to return to a sense of normalcy. When is it all right to laugh again? Is it wrong to tell a joke?

We explored how some can only cope with death through silence and isolation while others really must talk about it. How can you talk of it so much? Why can’t you be more open and accept support?

We looked, in times of death, at the differences between those with trust born of faith and the anger of those who have little else to hold on to. How do persons without faith ever cope at all? Is it all right to be mad at God?

We discussed at length the impact of one’s death on those loved ones left behind. We asked of the effect on families, on spouses and children, on friends and neighbors. And we questioned what are those impacts of death – the lost glow of his influence, the terrible loss of his support, the longing for what was before, the need to know his fate, the lasting pain of life without him.

We spoke of special times – of Christmases and holidays and birthdays -- suddenly choked and troubled by the memory of the one who now is not here. We spoke of actions taken, some difficult and often different, to live through these times anew, to struggle with the loved one now gone, but not forgotten.

September 11 --
And from this place we came back to September 11. We asked what of the dead, but also what of those left behind, in New York City, in Washington, DC and in Pennsylvania? We were sure the survivors are glad for our support and for our grief with them, but where do they go now to find normalcy? How can they let go and escape their loss? What will their memories be?

And what of the rest of us? We have seen in these weeks people coming together, people desperate to somehow help, people talking together in ways they have not before. The world has become so much closer than it was.

Little things have become important. There suddenly were many marriages following September 11 and many divorce actions cancelled. Many would be travelers have chosen to remain close to family and priorities have shifted.

But there has also come now a significant anguish in the world with deep and heartfelt perplexity. We long again for security, but know secretly that it never was. We question now, are we safe and just how do we place our next step?

The world has changed. We have somehow crossed over a line. Though we try so hard, it is not quite business as usual and may never be again.

Where Do We Go --
And what about the times and about terror? What really should we do? We looked at the idea that we should move carefully. It is time to walk slowly and watch closely what is happening. It is a time to be cautious and alert to new and better ways. It is a time when the comfortable things in which we have always trusted may not serve as we believe they have. Maybe they never did. The President has done well not to move too quickly. It may not be wise to predict the future.

The thought was given that we must stand up to terror. We cannot be passive and we must not show fear. But how exactly should we stand?

Another thought was given that we should look inward, be introspective and circumspect. We can now see the terrorists out there beyond us, but what of the terrorist within?

A time of struggle has come to us, in searching intently to know where we should place our trust and how we may find hope.

It is a time for community, for individual focuses carefully conceived coming together in chorus to form collective movement. It is a time for dialogue, for the melding and merging of differing outlooks to form a larger whole. It is a time for acknowledgment within respect and support within communion.

It is a time to understand that we are joined, that we as individuals are yet a part of the circle of unity. That it is our singular, unique perspectives, which together will shift and form our united response.

And it is from this understanding of spirit and our courage as individuals to join sincerely and unselfishly one to another that will come the right and proper path.

The meeting ended in The Lord’s Prayer.

-- John Borland --

Affective Skills Web Site

Last Modified: March 23, 2003

Parent Exploratory Group...

Parent Exploratory Group Meeting October 4, 2001

Parent Exploratory Group Meeting
October 4, 2001