Think About This --
Our human expectation seeks for achievement, but the greatest profits come through struggle.

-- John Borland --

Think About This --
To be upset with our bad actions because they grieve us is of perfectionism; but to be upset with our bad actions because they grieve others is of humility.

-- John Borland --

Think About This --
All our lives we are taught to overcome adversity and so bring about what is right; but how much better it is to accept adversity and so bring about love. For where there is acceptance there is no adversity and where there is love all is right.

-- John Borland --

-- John Borland --

Think About This --
All the education in the world is of no value unless we also teach our children how to live.

-- John Borland --

Think About This --
How Foolish! We spend most of our lives seeking for comfort and security that is outside of us, when the true comfort and the only security lie within.

-- John Borland --

Think About This --
Will you seek for what you can have to the benefit of yourself, or will you seek for what you can be to the benefit of others?

-- John Borland --

Think About This --
Life is its own reward, but the real treasure to be found within that reward is in sharing our lives with others.

-- John Borland --

Think About This --
We should live each day of our lives With Others as though it is Their Last.

-- John Borland --

Think About This --
The other day my son, Joshua, referred to my stepson, Troy, as his half-brother. Though this is the appropriate legal term for their relationship (and though I knew what Joshua meant) it is not a term that we have ever used in our home.

I asked Joshua half jokingly, but also seriously, "If Troy as your brother is only one-half, which half of Troy belongs to your relationship, and where does the other half of Troy go?"

You see, in a real relationship there can be no halfs. Any joining of two people which includes only a portion of one or the other of the persons is, in reality, something other than a relationship, and is more likely and often a manipulation.

For a relationship to be fully true and meaningful each person must, initially or in time, bring him or herself fully and completely to it -- and to the other -- holding nothing back.

Thus, by each bringing to the relationship 100 percent of themselves, balanced and whole, the relationship and the partners in it become infinitely more than either could be alone.

-- John Borland --

Think About This --
Trying to hold on to children is like trying to hold unto sand on a beach:

If I grasp the sand tightly in my fists the grains simply run through my fingers and the sand is gone.

But if I cup the sand grains in my hands the sand remains with me.

May I teach my children instead of lecturing
May I guide my children, but not control
May I be an example to my children and not a ruler
May I celebrate my children that I not unduly constrain them
May I respect my children that they might respect others
May I love my children as they are meant to be

-- John Borland --

Think About This --
There's an old saying that the optimist sees a glass as half-full, the pessimist sees it as half-empty. Every day, things happen, good and bad. We all enjoy the good things. But the bad, the negative experiences, the hurt and sorrow –- how we react to these show what we're really made of.

Out of misery, we can find serenity and growth –- or we can see the glass as "half-empty," and become bitter and resentful. We can learn the lessons life has to teach us –- or we can retreat into a shell of self-pity.

I will be presented with many situations that bring this choice into focus. Today, I pray for the humility and wisdom to see the glass as half-full.

-- Author Unknown --

Think About This --
Failure is the province and outcome of fear.

But failure can also be the gateway to transcendence itself. If that were not true the human race would be doomed to only fail and we would be nothing.

Have patience and continue in faith and all will come to be in its right and proper time.

-- John Borland --

Or...

Success in life comes from wisdom gained through experiences of failure. Enjoying the process is half the journey.

-- Larry Evans --

To Read When You're Alone --
Here is a suggestion submitted by Shari Deaven and based on an article by Mr. Mike Staver. In the article, Mr. Staver relates his childhood growing up in Southern California having moved from Florida. Like many teenagers, Mike hit 13 years of age angry and rebellious. He rejected and fought all the influences, parents included, that didn't match with his picture of the world. Mike describes storming into his room one night after a particularly difficult day. Under the edge of his pillow he found an envelop marked, "To read when you're alone." Since there was no one to see him, Mike opened the envelop and read the contents. Inside was the following letter:

"Mike, I know life is hard right now, I know you are frustrated and I know we don't do everything right. I also know that I love you completely and nothing you do or say will ever change that. I am here for you if you ever need to talk, and if you don't, that's okay. Just know that no matter where you go or what you do in your life, I will always love you and be proud that you are my son. I'm here for you and I love you - that will never change. Love, Mom."

This marked the first of many such, "To read when you're alone," letters that helped Mike through his teenage years. Today Mr. Staver travels the world helping people and, among other things, passing on "To read when you're alone."

As Shari says, "John -- I thought you'd like this, and it is a great idea. I have done this often with both of my kids. When emotions run too high "good or bad" to be able to talk directly a letter can really do the trick."

Idea for a Discussion Forum --
Hello Larry and John,
I have an idea of something that can be added to this website (your first website you designed? great job!)
Everything about Affective Skills gives us reason to pause and reflect on situations we remember as kids in school, and even more recently in our adult lives. However, these are situations relevant only to us, and for the most part have already been dealt with in one way or other. I think sometimes it causes us to think more deeply when we hear situations others have experienced  or are experiencing.
My suggestion would be an addition added to this website where parents, and students, can email in (anonymously if preferred), to share past situations or to vent on current social situations in their lives. I think this would add impact to everything that is being discussed elsewhere on the site.
Just a thought to ponder.
Janice Foltz

Response from AffectiveSkill:

Hi Janice,
I like the idea very much.  I have been thinking about a discussion forum where parents and friends could e-mail directly to the forum so that others could read what the person wrote and respond directly to it.
I am currently subscribed to two of these forums at work, but I have not yet learned how to access an existing one or how to build one.  Give me and my helpers some time and we will figure it out.
Thanks so much Janice for your idea.
Take care,
John

If others of you feel this is a good idea for the Affective Skills Web Site or have advice on how to set up such a forum, please e-mail to AffectiveSkill@aol.com and share your thoughts with us. Thanks. -- John --

I Get to Make the First Comment --
Though admittedly this is intended to be your area for comments and suggestions, I simply must take this opportunity to say, Thank You to Larry Evans, Connie Dembrowsky and Anne Farmer for inspiring this work and to my wife, Judy, and my boys, Troy and Joshua, for allowing me the time to do this.

But, most importantly, I must send a very special THANKS to all of you, parents and friends, who have taken the time and effort to read, respond to, support and encourage what we ALL are doing here TOGETHER.

This effort of building an interactive community is new, but already it is bearing much fruit in communications, caring and attention to the cause of fostering improved personal relationships through the teaching of Affective Skills. I have met some of you already and hope to talk to all of you through e-mail and in person.

Please, we have such a good start; let us hear from you and keep this new community going strong for our sakes, but most importantly, for our children.

-- John Borland --