Teens: What Makes Them Tick

Teens: What Makes Them Tick

-- by Larry Evans --

Teens’ minds are more open to new ideas that older minds cannot think of. Older minds are restricted by negative, or too much experience. Teens also have extra passion that also increases their creativity.

Teenage chess prodigies like Bobby Fischer found attacks their opponents never thought of. "Jerrone Lenear" (sp?) was 15 when he invented the computer simulation Virtual Reality. Picasso was just 14 when he painted many of his masterpieces.

There is a 13 year old female in California, called the “Petite-Picasso”, selling some of her paintings for over $100,000. She possess a teen passion + a childlike determination to do whatever she wants, no matter what others say. She says,

“Adults put stops to their imagination because they’re afraid of unseen consequences, but children are so innocent because their minds are always exploding with new ideas because they have no limits in life.”

BRAINS ARE DIFFERENT
Researchers from Harvard Medical School’s Brain Imaging Center say teen brains are very different from adults. Using MRI’s, they found that when adults answer questions, we use the RATIONAL, thinking part of our brain (pre-frontal cortex). Teens use the INSTINCTUAL part (called the amygdala), which may explain their creativity. The researchers say some of our better creative works occur during this time of life because there is not that sense of “I shouldn’t do this… or I can’t do this."

Michael Jackson won male vocalist of the year when he was 13. By the time Mozart was 19, he’d written 45 symphonies. 18 yr. old guitarist Johnny Lang fills concert halls with fans who can’t believe what he can do. A few years ago, Lang had America’s #1 Blues Album. When he was 13, he played his guitar 12 hours/day.

We often see the extra energy in teenage athletes. 1976 Olympics 14 yr. Old gymnast Nadia Comaneci (Co-man-ee-chi), from Rumania, did things adults hadn’t thought possible.

Other Teen Stars:

Venus Williams – Tennis
Tiger Woods – Golf
Mohammed Ali – Boxer (said his hands were never faster than when he was a teen.)

Teens smile more freely than adults.

Some of the fiercest warriors were teenagers

Alexander the Great
Joan of Arc

TEEN CATEGORIES

#1 - INFLUENCERS
These are teens at top of social hierarchy; the cool crowd with cars, money. Membership is by invitation only.

#2 - CONFORMERS (50% of teens)
These teens look up to Influencers for what to do, etc.

#3 - PASSIVE
They're struggling a bit with social aspect of teen life; could be cowboy type or nerd; but many high achievers come from this group (Bill Gates)

#4 – The EDGE KIDS (punks, goth, surfers, skaters)
They set trends which some others follow; tongue ring, pink hair, sticks in hair, tattoos

Edge kids of 60’s smoked pot, tie died clothes, long hair
Edge kids of 50’s swallowed goldfish, crammed phone booths

All these are part of a Rights of Passage—the need to try out new personalities. The more it bugs your parents, so much the better, because that proves you’re becoming an individual.

WHY ARE TEENAGERS SO WEIRD?

Psychologists say that it is a necessary breaking away from the parents--a separation that has to happen during adolescence if the teen is to become an independent adult.

Unfortunately, in the pursuit of individuality, many teens, not just the EDGEkids, do crazy things. It’s a teen-boy thing—an apparent recklessness and disregard for safety. To parents it looks like they’re not just defying the laws of reality (bungee jumping, rail skating, etc), but common sense as well.

BRAIN USAGE
Not only are teens more likely to use the part of the brain that uses creativity (the emotional, the more automatic part), they’re LESS likely to use the part that involves critical thinking, that helps people make mature judgements. TEENS USE THE GUT REACTION PART OF THE BRAIN.

THERE IS A REASON FOR US TO WORRY ABOUT TEENS !!! J

Test: Put TEEN in matching measuring brain waves. Had teen look at pictures of FACES projected on screen. Then they asked, “What is the expression on the face?”. Then they watched which part of the brain was used while thinking about that.

Compared to adults, teens, especially the younger ones, just don’t see things that are obvious to adults.

Shocked, anguished people, sad or angry people didn’t look so to teens. This helps explain why teens use bad judgement. They just don’t see what we see. The just don’t realize that their teacher is mad or their girlfriend is hurt.

FLASH - Teens today understand that they still need guidance from parent.

This teen generation is really feeling a closeness to their parents more so than in the previous couple of decades.

Without fail, teens say parents are the most influential people in their lives.
THEN WHY TEEN/PARENT CONFLICT?

Parents say, When they were ten, they obeyed; now they won’t listen. He doesn’t even seem to like me. If I try to help her, she goes to her room and slams the door.”

We must accept the fact that when a person hits adolescence, the "game" changes. For 12 years (basically) kids listen, then rebel! Don't think in terms of rebellion. Think in terms of TRANSITION from listening to Parent/Adult, to listening to himself or herself as the adult.

But they often don't act like adults. They do foolish things then lie about it. They lie because they're afraid they're going to get into trouble (parents "go crazy") if the teen tells the truth.

Parents often make their kids sorry they opened their mouths when they tell the truth. THESE ARE THE KIDS WHO LIE.

The more rules, the more you're lied to. Attitudes that are appropriate to 5 yr olds don't work at 15.

In the 5000 days of adolescence, every teenager is trying to leave home. The only way they can leave home is if they first LEARN TO KNOW WHO THEY ARE!

But, if parents "try" to control the teen, they're making it a battle between listening to parent or listening to self.

Saying "Because I said no" was good enough for a child when 5, is not enough for a teen ("yadult" - young adult :) who should be learning how to make their own decisions.

85% of time, teens are alone or with their friends.

Experts say teens should have fewer rules. WHY HAVE A RULE THAT CAN'T BE MONITORED OR ENFORCED?

Cleaning Room is enforceable rule, but TOO SMALL to worry about. Let them have this domain (lose battle to win war). Instead focus on a few important rules: DON'T DRINK or ride with a DRUNK; CALL WHEN LATE; DON'T CHEAT… whatever is important to you. After that, get off your kids back.

The values parents have and try to instill in their child are good. But the problem occurs, when you have a bunch of little rules that poison the relationship with the teenager. The teen gets so fed up with dealing with you that they just write you out-- (they take you out of their "Quality World.")

Teens have an "allergic" reaction to any attempt to control them. The hate it, they smell it, and they run away from it. If a teen can't get acceptance at home, their friends become more and more important to them. "The friends listen to you…what you say is really important". Friends pay attention, mom/dad doesn't.

Then when teens and parents do spend time together, they FIGHT!

Rx: LECTURE LESS !!!

Teens are more afraid of being lectured than punished. They hear the same thing over and over. It won't help them form their own identities and it pushes them away.

Rx: Rather than lecture, ASK QUESTIONS, then LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN.
We must earn the right to be listened to by a teen.

FACILITATING:
Parents who really have influence with teen have gotten it by listening, by letting their teen talk first. Then you can say what you would do, what your values are.

The teens may not act like they hear it, but the experts say they DO and it will make a difference later. Surveys show that most young adults DO ADOPT THEIR PARENTS VALUES, you just can't force it.

The other extreme is ADVOCATING. Nonverbally saying, "I really don't care". This is just as bad as over-controlling.

Teens want to be closer with parents, even when they don't show it. Teens want limits, they want parents to be more strictà IT MAKES THEM (invites them to…:) FEEL SAFE AND LOVED. Researchers were really surprised by the large number of teens who told them they liked it when their parents were strict. (FIRM, FAIR, CONSISTENT and LOVING DISCIPLINE).

The teens see strictness as participation in their life and they want more participation from parents. But participation is not just setting limits. One trick is "CATCH YOU CHILD DOING SOMETHING RIGHT". Seek out things to praise. "It means a lot to me when you took out the garbage without me even asking."

SUMMARY:
Rules must be few to allow teen's room to make their own mistakes. Above all: LECTURE LESS and LISTEN MORE.

There should be a banner in the living room saying: WE CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.

FINALLY:
WE SHOULD NOT BE OUR TEEN'S FRIEND -- (they don't know anything and their music's lousy J). Instead, we should be their ALLY-- someone who offers help, but doesn't try to control.

And finally, finally … J remember… if they're disobedient during these years, they will grow out of it. They may infuriate you now, but in a few years, they'll be back. YOU MUST BELIEVE THAT! "Walk by faith, not by sight". Believe that they ARE LISTENING TO YOU, even if they don't look like it!!! BELIEVE IT. If your teenager can think of you as an ally, they will always want to be a part of your life.

Now… "Go take on the day"

Affective Skills Web Site

Last Modified: March 22, 2003