As you have more than likely gathered by now, I like movies. Particularly, I like movies with depth and messages and lessons. My family can tell you that I will watch a good movie over and over and over again constantly gleaning from it details, impacts and nuances. Below you will see my personal take on yet another such movie, “Patch Adams.”

Though I know I must be careful, I tend to learn things from these movies. There are role models in movies and the lessons, and especially the changes in heart they tend to bring about in me, I believe are valuable. After all aren’t such movies rather caricatures of the morals and ideals we would all like to achieve for ourselves and our world?

But as I said, one must be careful, for movies no matter how good do not portray reality. One trait I have observed in movies – and Patch Adams is no different – is that at some point usually the main character will reach a pivot point, a fork in the road, a catharsis, some dramatic, life-changing turn in direction. From there the character is remade. There may be some backslides or twists, but generally the character embarks from there on blissfully and permanently on his or her new and better course.

I know this isn’t true, as the two articles below will demonstrate. I have written for you here yet another set of personal lessons taken from my emerging insights with my family and myself. There is really nothing new here from what I have written to you many times before, just a new way of presenting it. Truth is, I have hit that movie-style, cathartic fork in the road many, many times. More than once I have thought this is it. This is finally the turning point I have been searching for. Yet just as many times I have found a much less dramatic fork right back to where I was before.

But am I where I was before? Am I the same? Though I hesitate to look too closely at this for fear of pride, I know I am not where I started. I have changed and grown and I am moving forward, but it would be arrogant and very dangerous to ever believe (as I once did) that I am newly formed and complete.

Unlike in the movies, change is not an event, it is a process, and a slow, grinding and blind process it is. Human progression is not uniform or linear and it cannot be planned or measured. I know from bitter experience that those who think they have it have nothing, but a wistful desire and false sense masquerading as truth.

You will see below that in many ways I have not progressed and I know it. The messages are hopeful even inspiring, but also somewhat confused and left-handed. That’s because they are honest. I can’t be anything else and ever hope to progress. I shared the second article with Troy. It is difficult to know, but I pray he can see that I love him deeply, but am still struggling with and against myself to see him fully as he is.

My advice to you hard learned: Never believe you are more than you are and never pass by an opportunity to learn and so become more. Enjoy!

-- John Borland --


Look Beyond
By John Borland

In the 1998 film, “Patch Adams,” Harold Gould plays Arthur Mendelson an eccentric scientist who, together with the movie’s main character, a confused and suicidal Hunter Adams (Robin Williams), is an inmate at the Fairfax Hospital Psychiatric Ward.

Arthur exhibits the unnerving practice of coming up to people quickly and thrusting his four fingers in their faces.

“How many fingers do you see?” demands Arthur to those he so accosts.

Upon exercising this habit with Adams and hearing his answer, “Four,” Arthur proceeds to loudly pronounce his newest victim as, “Another idiot.”

This and other highly vocalized observations on Arthur’s part, demonstrating his frustration with his ward mates and the world, lead all to believe that Mendelson’s place in the mental unit is deserved.

An attendant tells Hunter that Arthur Mendelson was one of the most innovative thinkers of his time delving continually into the inner workings of the human mind. However, he has since committed himself to the Fairfax facility suffering from genius syndrome.

Hunter looks in on Arthur one day to find him at a desk deeply absorbed amid a flood of papers working out a complex series of mathematical equations. Hunter notes that the coffee cup sitting at the corner of the desk has a pinhole in it leaking coffee onto Arthur’s papers. Examining the cup, Hunter removes a property label from the underside of the desk and applies it to the hole, thus, patching the cup.

Encouraged by Hunter’s display of inventive thinking, Arthur attempts his experiment again.

He spreads Hunter’s own four fingers upright between them and asks, “How many do you see?”

In exasperation, Adams repeats quickly, “There are four fingers Arthur.”

Mendelson just as quickly retorts, “Look at me. You’re focusing on the problem.”

As Hunter struggles to understand, Arthur continues, “If you focus on the problem you can’t see the solution. Never focus on the problem. Look at me.”

Quietly Arthur encourages, “Look beyond the fingers.”

When Hunter focuses squarely on his fingers he sees only four. But as he changes his gaze to see Arthur’s face his fingers blur causing each finger to become in appearance, not one, but two.

“I see eight,” Hunter replies with a smile.

Arthur beams back at Hunter pleased, “Eight is a good answer.”

Arthur then goes on to reveal his secret, “See what no one else sees. See what everyone else chooses not to see out of fear or conformity or laziness. See the whole world anew each day.”

Following their discussion Arthur dubs Hunter with his new nickname “Patch.”

Armed with this enlightening, new awareness and with a hunger for positive, people connections developed during his time in the ward, Hunter “Patch” Adams ends his psychiatric, self-commitment and re-enters the world. He determines to practice medicine to help others and two years later, in 1971, enrolls at the Virginia Medical University.

It is as a student that Patch Adams first challenges the medical community in their pursuit of professional detachment towards their patients. Patch calls vehemently for a focus on the person with humor, caring and compassion. He advocates and actively demonstrates that doctors can more effectively serve their patients by treating the individual as well as the disease.

I have some difficulties with this movie for the rebellious ways in which Patch goes about getting what he wants, but I also have a strong identity with it.

I grew up in the 1950s and 60s very much in and around hospitals. And I experienced first-hand the rather dehumanizing impact of doctors and medical staff practicing professional aloofness and transference avoidance. Though such treatment was considered very correct at the time the person I do not wish to be was formed at least in part by my reactions to this environment.

But it also goes beyond that. Growing up with a disability I cannot think of a time when I wasn’t solving a problem. From my earliest memory there were surgeries, braces and exercises, doctors, hospitals and clinics and with them constant physical and emotional changes. Even stepping off a curb, descending a flight of stairs or dressing myself each morning were formidable challenges in need of my study, adjustment and struggle to overcome.

A long and steady diet of confronting barriers permitted and even encouraged me to become self engaged, tenacious and heavily disciplined. I was powerful in my anxious necessity to overcome all obstacles. A problem – any problem anywhere – was an enemy to be dealt with through forcible attack.

To be sure, I have won many battles over the course of my life and – when you consider the doctors’ early prognosis that I would never walk – I have done rather well against the odds. But it wasn’t until just a few years ago that I began to understand that in spite of, and maybe even because of, these secondary victories, I was losing with the larger challenges.

Without really meaning to I brought to my family the same battle-hardened approach to problem solving that had captured my life. How much I became entwined with our problems. I knew what was wrong, what my family members needed and I was going to improve their lives in the same way I naively thought I was improving my own – with blunt, head-on determination.

I have written extensively in other articles of our lives and trials and so need not repeat the details. Suffice it to say I was showing love the only way I knew how. I was doing all I could for my family’s sake to make things better by taking away our faults.

After ten years I could see the goal, but still wasn’t reaching it. In focusing on our problems things weren’t getting better, in fact they were getting worse. It just wasn’t working. I was running out of options and knew in my heart that I was somehow wrong. My deeply subdued, but compassionate center could no longer accept my own actions and was itself beginning to rise up against me.

Many influences, including my return to religion, began to make inroads, but it was Larry Evans and the Parent Seminar that came along at this crucial juncture and accelerated my understanding for a different way of looking at things.

I was shown by lessons and example that the world, the people around me, and even I myself are largely what I make of them. And I became convinced that it is I who always has the choice for what I choose to see.

Slowly the lessons of Arthur Mendelson – as I came to know them through Larry – began to have value: See what others choose not to see. See the whole world anew each day. Find the solutions by looking beyond the problems.

I have struggled now for these past three years to hold before me the fingers of my difficulties with Judy, Troy, Joshua and especially myself; and I have laid squarely in front of me the real, difficult, but vital challenge of daring to look beyond.

Like with Hunter Adams, as I have allowed the sharp eye of my mind slowly to give way to the softer focus of my heart, the troubles before me have blurred somewhat. With this merciful shifting of focus I have come slowly to see through the perceived problems, not objects to be attacked, but the real faces of my family.

Gradually emerging before me are living, breathing people – my own loving wife and children – learning and changing and growing. I realize more and more that it is these precious souls who have done so much and have become so much a part of me. Together we have become a cloth – a fabric – made up of separate threads, but forming an indivisible whole. And it is in this fabric, with them and through them, that I am being changed and moved ever along the continuum of what is intended for me.

Of course my family has problems and roughness and failings. So obviously do I. But how can I ever hope to bring aid to these storms if I cannot find it first to love the dear persons in whom they reside?

And why shouldn’t I see in this way instead of what I have always seen? Why can’t I simply love my loved ones first, as they are, and let the rest become what it will be? After all, isn’t this exactly what I was secretly asking of them – to be accepted and simply loved – when I chose them to be part of my life?

What then is the solution? What truly do I see? Can my wife and most especially my children become the loving individuals I wish them to be if they never experience the real example of it? Are not these persons I wish for already within them regardless of what I choose to see? What do I see in them and who will I help them to be?

We have always within us the choice for what we see. Like so many, we can accept only to perceive the obvious in problem, dilemma and darkness, or we can challenge ourselves to focus beyond the surface towards promise, hope and light.

Within our choices will come our actions and by our actions will come to us the persons and the world that we have chosen.

Dare in your heart to see others as they can be, such that they can be what you dare to see. Dare each day to see the whole world anew, and the whole world will be made anew each day.

Thank you Arthur, and thank you Larry.

I leave you dear readers only with this, “How many fingers do you see?”


A Tribute
By John Borland

Today (January 13, 2003) my stepson, Troy, begins a new job as a drafting intern with a major engineering firm in the Harrisburg area. Troy gained the opportunity to interview for this position through the Dauphin County Technical School’s work cooperative program.

Troy earned recommendation to the cooperative program from his drafting shop teacher, but it was not easy for him. For several marking periods Troy’s shop grade included comments from his teacher relating to Troy’s not working up to potential. Judy and I questioned what this meant and eventually arranged a meeting with Troy and his teacher to gain an understanding. What we found out was that, while Troy is a good student, he has the ability to do more and was being challenged by his teacher to achieve to his full capacity.

With the teacher’s encouragement Judy and I decided to let Troy deal with this situation himself and I am proud to say Troy – as he has done many times before – more than rose to the occasion. Troy struggles with giving into distractions and he finds it difficult to complete work that he doesn’t like or for which he cannot see the purpose. Both of these conditions were at the heart of this situation.

In spite of the personal difficulties Troy buckled down and got to business. He moved his work area in shop in order to be less distracted and made up his mind to do what was expected of him. As a result he raised his shop grade, removed the negative comment and was recommended to the cooperative.

I understand that Troy was hired to his new job in part because of the position he has held for the last 18 months at a local office supply chain. He now is working hard at both jobs as well as ably pursuing his academic studies at DCTS.

Troy is also learning to manage himself financially. He has purchased my wife’s car with a loan from the local bank and is covering maintenance costs and his share of the insurance premiums. Judy and I believe firmly that there should be no free rides for those who have the means and Troy is showing himself capable of our expectation.

I won’t embarrass Troy by relating other more personal details, but he is showing himself to be more than moving forward on many fronts. Troy will graduate DCTS in June of this year, but already he is placing himself in good stead to handle himself in his future life.

My reason for writing this here is not simply to commend my stepson (although I feel he deserves it), but to make a point to myself.

Troy came to me thirteen years ago as a five-year-old from Judy’s previous marriage. In all honesty our road together has been filled with rocks and bumps and hurdles. We do not see eye to eye on many things and have very different motivations.

Troy has strongly opposed me at differing times in our relationship and I have more often than I wish to admit have been very hard on him. We have not always liked each other – or so it seemed – and at times have not been very civil.

In truth, for a long time I was threatened by Troy and, I am ashamed to say, doubted his qualities and character. For a long time I very much believed that the things I just wrote above would not happen. This then is my reason writing them.

We still don’t agree on a number of things and Troy’s very different ways of doing things – different from me that is – still tempt me to want to doubt. But I also cannot deny the obvious, the very facts that I have just placed here.

The nagging problems of confidence are mine and do not here square with the facts. Even as I struggle with myself I must admit that, though it may not be in my way, my stepson is strong and capable with good basic values, and he is making it.

I must say these things about you here Troy because in the past I have not said them to you enough. I am weak and at times stubborn and near-sighted. In truth you are doing much better than I give you credit for. You are much better than I choose to see and often I am not fair to you.

There are likely so many more things that I could have given you, but I have always tried to give you what I have. That I haven’t always been able to give you what you needed is because I didn’t have it myself. I hope you can see I am still working to learn.

You, Troy, in so many ways have been my teacher. Because of you I honestly have now so much more than I ever had before. Because of you I am so much closer to being the person I am meant to be than the person I was. I pray that I have been, likewise, of help to you.

Unlike a son born to me, I chose you to be in my life. Honestly, I did not know fully at the time what I was choosing and I was not as prepared as I should have been. If I have any regrets over the years they are not for me, but that I should have been more for you. I should have believed in you more Troy, for as I am coming now to realize you are very worth believing in.

I know that biology and law do not see in these ways and I have never wanted to force it, but you have always been to me my son even though you are in reality the son of another.

I know our time together is growing shorter and soon our relationship will change again even as it is changing now. I wish you all the best as you move into your time and away from mine.

I am so very proud of you Troy. I think what you have done here is really something. But even if none of this were true I would still love you as I always have.

Be well my Son.


Just Once is Not Enough
The 2003 Dauphin County Technical School Parent Seminar will very soon be in full swing. My wife Judy and I are planning to attend for our fourth straight year (as you can see above Troy is now a soon-to-be graduating Senior at DCTS and we have been with him all the way).

I have to express once again to all alumni how valuable it is to attend the Parent Seminar over multiple times. Larry Evans just gets better every year and it is so good and necessary to refresh on the lessons. What’s more, each year the lessons are a little different as Larry grows and changes with them. This year Larry will be speaking more from real parental experience than he ever has. His daughter Lauren is now a teenage freshman at DCTS and is in Larry’s class. I am very sure that this new experience is going to bring a real change of perspective to Larry’s teaching and I, for one, want to see it.

But I think the best part for me is that I learn more every year. I have been with the Parent Seminar curriculum long enough now that it isn’t new to me. Instead the lessons are becoming comfortable and I know they are beginning to sink in. I really feel finally that I am beginning to apply the lessons inside me and without feeling awkward or mechanical. It is still a struggle to overcome “Stinkin Thinkin,” but I am getting better.

There is still plenty of time to put the Parent Seminar into your plans and attend with us. It is always a very good time, there are new parents to meet and you wouldn’t want to miss the food at the end would you? Just click on the web link below for schedules and more details. http://www.AffectiveSkill.com/OtherF/020903_2003_Seminar_Invitation.htm

-- John Borland --

YOU MAKE THE DIFFERENCE IN WHAT WE CAN DO TOGETHER!

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Last Modified: December 13, 2003