Let me say first that this article will likely be difficult to understand, and yet it is probably one of the better pieces I have written.

Through the Parent Seminar and by other fundamental pursuits I am coming slowly in touch with another side of myself; a side that has always been with me, but which has been held hidden and subdued within me, unable by its very nature to wrestle dominance away from my more hardened and logical self.

This emerging side, this movement of me, my heart, my inner being has waited silently, patiently, compassionately for the warring drive of my needs, fears and anxieties to subside somewhat. It has held itself in quiet for this moment of invitation that it might reveal itself, shine forth and seek to take me by the hand.

For I have learned that my heart is of loving gentleness and peace. For it to contend with my outer self, to seek control by confrontation and force would be to deny its very nature and make it something other than it is. This can never happen, for the true nature of my heart is always and unchanging. It is as unable to deny itself, as my bodily person is to cease from breathing.

But here it now is, opening within me, sighing with tears and longing to immerse me more fully in itself, to cradle me softly and carry me unto life; and now its moment, this beginning, has come at last.

You may ask, but what has all this to do with the Parent Seminar?

I will answer simply that, although I am not certain if Larry Evans or even Connie Dembrowsky are aware of it, I am now convinced that this of which I here so feebly speak is the very, hidden and true end to which all that is the Parent Seminar seeks to point. Every lesson, every word that I have listened to and participated with in my more than four years with this course, this work, is embodied in the movement now known to me and which I have attempted in some small measure to bring to you.

But still you may ask, what has any of this to do with me?

And I will say to you simply, that this is why you came.

This inner place of the heart, this hidden, gentle movement, which is also in you, is what brought you, drew you each week to put aside your schedules, come to DCTS, sit in the auditorium and attempt to hear, understand and somehow use the new and different lessons that Larry Evans taught. It is what led you to feelings for Larry and for one another; and it is this undercurrent of the heart that ties and connects you sincerely to your teens, your spouses, your family, your friends and all of humanity.

Though there is much more involved, I have come to know that the changing, dynamic interchange between heart, mind and body in every situation is the foundational balance and conflict upon which all of our lives are built. How we walk in it and in which movement we follow determines what we see and how we act in and treat every relationship we join.

But, though we can follow many directions, the lead of the heart is the only genuine reality.

Read this article more than once and as you read it successive times let go of all your thoughts for what the words mean and simply feel what the words are saying. Then go back to your coursework from the Parent Seminar look it over within these feelings and see for yourself to where it points; for this is the source to which the Parent Seminar refers, but stops just short of revealing.

And if you want more of what you now feel, seek after it by daring quietly to release to it, wrap all your other pursuits around it, and endeavor, once you have it, to follow always in it and never let it go.

I promise you your efforts of the heart will not be wasted and the treasure found within it will surpass, and even complete, all the other things you now seek after and believe are so important; for the true journey of life begins in the heart.

Enjoy!

-- John Borland --


Movements
By John Borland

In my musing I see within me two fundamental and differing conditions – two dispositions or primary movements, if you will.

One is crusading
The other patient

One is resistant
The other consenting

One is confrontational
The other deigning

One is challenging
The other accepting

One is firm
The other gentle

One is hard edged
The other softened

One is of certainty
The other of hope

One is rational
The other empathetic

One is moved to logic
The other moved to tears

One is calculating
The other giving

One sees expectation
The other mercy

One is rigid
The other pliable

One is of need
The other of trust

One perceives what is
The other what is coming

One sees what should be
The other what can be

One sees the surface
The other inside

One seeks survival
The other compassion

One draws in
The other reaches out

One is grown
The other a child

I can perceive now that both of these movements are of me and are necessary. Neither one can form the whole of me alone, nor in either am I complete without the other.

Indeed, I cannot live solely in one movement or the other, but I also cannot live equally in both.

The real question then becomes, which of these two movements will lead and which one will support?

The first of the conditions in each of these sets is the movement of my mind. Collectively they have been my trusted rule for most of my life.

This movement has long been allowed to shape my outlook and actions because it has always seemed to me the most sensible and successful course by which to live. Thus, it has become, through much use and well-developed expectations, my most ingrained and trusted pattern.

The second of the conditions in each set constitutes the movement of my heart. This movement has always been with me, but it has been simply too quiet and shy, and much too unfamiliar, painful and frightening for me to risk living in.

This second movement is become now alive and growing within me, but to my shame, it has yet to take away lead from the first as the nature of me.

And yet I know now very firmly that this second movement, as unnerving and unfathomable as it is, is the only possible and real way to life.

I say this because I have come to realize that, while the first movement is eminently more known, understandable and immediately secure, it is also limited for these very same reasons. This movement at its best can only ever achieve to a finite level of gain within what is essentially a lesser person.

By contrast, this second movement – the movement of my heart – though it can never feel certain by human measure and, in fact, exists only in risk, knows no human or earthly limitations at all.

It does not seek to achieve, as does the first, since achievement is inherently blinded and confined to capturing specific and visible goals.

Rather, this second movement seeks for the ephemeral radiance of my inner growth and to engender the gentle growth of others through me. This movement by its very nature is invisible, unlimited and endless.

And, while seemingly dangerous and unsafe, coming to live in the train of this second and most heartfelt movement is the only way in which lasting security may be found.

The first movement seeks for me to rule from the security of guarded isolation within the logic of personal survival and via a known and visible path. While this movement might create in me a more practical or capable person that is all it can ever hope to do. The result of me in this end is in essence lifelessness unto death.

But this second movement pulls at me with pangs and yearnings of feeling to take on the unknown and illogical risks of personal loss through opening myself.

It asks of me to release my darkened pretensions of lordship and to become to my family and all those around me as a simple, sightless fool, falling to them in aching desire of service without knowledge for the end or consideration of self.

The promised reward for this seemingly senseless action of my heart is that I might hope to breathe in the light of my true nature; that I might, perchance, at last arrive at my real and intended self though the presence of them by whom I serve.

While such movement voids logic and practicality it is only ever this person, born of a loving and faithful, trusting heart that can ever hope to transcend the barren limitations of this life; for to live in this way is the only life there is.

While both of these movements have a needed place in me only one can ever lead.

And yet to actively seek the second, as by clever plan or masterful strategy, is to remain only and ever trapped in the first. For while the first movement is gained by open and bold capture in achievement the second can only be fleetingly touched by daring in courage of trust to release to it.

This second then is not a movement that can be seen or held, but it comes only by quiet invisible growth, in one who is open and yet innocent and unaware. And so does it live and shine forth in those so poised to receive it.

For so do children enter this world, and so do they live, for such is the nature of love.

YOU MAKE THE DIFFERENCE IN WHAT WE CAN DO TOGETHER!

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Last Modified: November 19, 2004